


There's Too Many Cooks...

by locusdesperatus



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: F/M, M/M, Oral Sex, Pegging
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-13
Updated: 2016-09-13
Packaged: 2018-08-14 22:28:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8031391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/locusdesperatus/pseuds/locusdesperatus
Summary: Megan owns all of their asses tbh
NSFW chapters are indicated in the chapter titles.





	1. Date Night, Mason/Megan

“It's just that I'm worried, Meg.” Mason sighs, squeezing his wife's hand. “They're mercenaries for god's sake, not babysitters.”

“Baby, they'll be fine.” Megan says firmly, smiling at her husband. “And if they hurt my babies, I'll personally slit their throats.”

Mason laughs at that, bringing Megan's hand up so he can kiss her knuckles reverently. He closes his eyes as she strokes his cheek, leaning into the touch.

“I love you.” He whispers, not wanting any other restaurant goers to hear. That profession was for his wife's ears only.

“I love you too, Mason.” Megan winks at him, nudging his chin up gently. She pulls away as the waiter approaches. Mason stammers his way through his order, much too enamored with everything that is Megan. Her hair, her nails, the scoop of her dress. Her smile, the little patch of lighter skin on her temple. Her makeup, earrings, the little stud in her nose.

“Baby, what's the matter?” Megan asks, squeezing Mason’s hand.

“Y-you look beautiful.” Mason flushes, coughing to try and hide it. He reddens further when Megan laughs, running her thumb over his knuckles.

“Thank you, love. You don't look so bad yourself.” She nods to his ironed out, purple dress shirt. “Color coded as always.” She teases.

“What, I look good in it.” Mason protests.

“Yes, yes, you're very handsome, my love.” Megan chuckles, taking a sip of her wine. Mason stares at the mirth in her eyes. Distantly, he thinks that he is much too in love with this woman, but the forefront of his brain tells him that it's okay because she loves him back just as much.


	2. NSFW Megan/Felix

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felix is a lil garbage weasel

Felix whined, arching his back sharply. He clawed at the bed sheet, biting down on his arm to try and silence himself.

“Fuck, Megs, can you ease up on the scratching?” He asked finally, wriggling his hips a little.

“If you insist.” Megan soothed, running her hands over Felix's backside. She ran her fingertips gently over the scratches on Felix's back before rolling her hips forward, burying her strapon further into his ass. Felix rocked back against her, pushing his hips up. He snaked a hand between his legs, squeezing his length.

“Bad boy, you know the rules.” Megan scolded, yanking Felix's wrist away. She slapped his ass twice in rapid succession, making him groan into the mattress. He shivered when Megan combed her fingers through his hair, tugging gently on it. She pulled his head up gently, coaxing him to come up on his knees.

“Aah.” Felix sighed, gently kneading the blankets. He purred when Megan gripped his hips, rolling them alluringly. She leaned against his back, wrapping an arm around his middle.  
“You're enjoying this more than I thought you would.” Megan whispered, pressing her chest to Felix's upper back.

“It feels weird. Good weird, though.” Felix admitted. He groaned a little when Megan wrapped her hand around his cock, pumping slowly.

“Open your mouth.” She encouraged. When Felix obeyed, she pressed two fingers into his mouth, letting him suck on them. “Getting close?” She asked, kissing Felix's shoulder.

“M’ah.” Felix nodded, drooling a little. He gurgled when Megan thrust the dildo against his prostate. He came suddenly, making a little whining noise. Megan pulled back slowly, handing him a tissue to clean up with. She rubbed Felix's back slowly while he recovered.

“You did so good.” She cooed, smiling as Felix looked up at her. He unbuckled the belt holding her strapon in place, pulling it away before settling between her legs. He treasured the little gasp she gave when he lowered his mouth to her inner thigh, kissing gently before moving upwards.  
“Mm, Mason would be jealous if he knew that you're better at oral than him.” Megan laughed breathlessly, pulling on Felix's hair. She groaned softly, leaning forward a little. Felix didn't mind the tugs on his hair, too focused on his task. He lapped up the fluid between Megan's lips, pushing at her thighs so she would spread her legs a little to give him better access. With that leeway, he tilted his head, running his tongue piercing over her clit deliberately.

“Oh!” Megan grabbed Felix's shoulder, nails digging in a little harder than he would have liked. Mason loved being scratched up, but Felix was more into hitting and slapping. He looked up, making eye contact as he repeated the motion, earning another tug on his hair. “Who's better at this, you or Locus?” Megan asked. Felix snorted, forgetting his position for a moment.

“Ah!” Megan laughed, closing her legs and putting Felix in a leglock. “That tickled!” She accused, laughing some more. Felix hummed before pushing her legs apart again. Megan giggled a little, watching him refocus on her. “So that was a pretty clear answer.” She observed.

“I don't know if Locus has ever even seen a vagina.” Felix pulled back to snark.

“Well he came out of one, didn't he?” Megan asked.

“No, I'm reasonably certain he was a test tube baby.” Felix snickered at his own joke before Megan pushed his head back down to her crotch.


	3. Beach Day Megan/Mason/Locus/Felix

“Felix!” Megan scolded, slapping the mercenary's hand. He made a sad face at her, setting down the clump of seaweed. “Behave.” She said sternly.

“But he's such a good target.” Felix whined, pointing to Locus. The man was spread out on his towel, dozing in the sun. Mason was slathered in sunscreen and reclining against Locus’ midsection. 

“Well… maybe just a little one.” Megan relented, winking at Felix. She was sitting beside him underneath their large umbrella, away from the sun's rays. Felix would burn to a crisp if he wasn't in the shade, and Megan simply preferred it to the constant heat.

“Yes!” Felix pumped his fist. He balled up a smaller clump of seaweed, looking to his partner. “Issac Gates, coming in for the lay up. He gets to the line and he shoots…” Felix chucked the projectile, putting his hands up when it bounced squarely off of Locus’ chest with a satisfying squish. “And he scores!”

Locus flinched, curling away from the attack. The movement upset Mason, who glanced around, startled. Locus lifted his sunglasses to glare at Felix before settling back against the sand.   
“Aww.” Megan cooed. She went over to Locus, setting a hand on his chest as she leaned over to kiss him. She sat beside him, stretching out her legs. “You're gonna have a Mason-shaped tan line.” She teased, ruffling Mason's hair. She laughed as Mason grinned up at her before she leaned over to give him a kiss.

“You're getting burnt.” Felix said, pointing at the tinge of red on Locus’ chest. When the mercenary didn't respond, he crawled over and slapped the burnt skin. Locus flinched violently, grabbing Felix's arm in a death grip. Felix yelped, falling forward. “Ow, okay! I forgot, i'm sorry!” He whined. When Locus let go of him, he rubbed his wrist, pouting. His pout lessened when Locus pulled him downwards to press a quick kiss to his cheek.

“I don't burn, I tan.” Locus pushed Felix away, smirking at him. “You, however…”

“What? No, you're burnt!” Felix accused, crawling back under the umbrella. Megan tutted, grabbing the bottle of sunscreen. She dumped some onto her hands, turning back to Locus.

“I don't-” Locus protested, frowning when Megan cut him off.

“You are a little red.” She let him frown at her as she spread sunscreen over his chest. “You're the only man I know who pouts while getting a massage from a girl.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> locus-desperatus.tumblr.com


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